MONDAY MANNA
A service to the business community
May 8, 2006

THE POWER AND IMPACT OF A CARING REBUKE
By: Rick Boxx
In the world of today, benefits of the prevailing culture of “tolerance” have been offset by a notable pitfall. It has become common, even popular, to accept people and issues they struggle with, unchallenged. “Who am I to judge?” is the typical response to someone wrestling with destructive behavior. It’s not an issue of “judging,” but rather one of caring enough to confront people that are obviously doing harm to themselves and those around them.
In our pursuit of being “tolerant,” it has become increasingly rare to find someone willing to hold others accountable for their actions, or even to rebuke a wayward person. Some people would say this is as it should be, that we should not get involved in the affairs of others, no matter how troubled they may be. For this reason, it intrigued me when a friend told me about a major turning point in his life.

This man, whom I’ll call “Jim,” had talked for weeks with several other men in his accountability group about his struggle with alcohol – that rather than controlling his drinking, it seemed to be controlling him. He was not talking about having an occasional drink or two in a social setting; he became convinced that it had become an idol – an addictive, controlling force in his life. Each week he would complain to his “accountability partners” that he wanted to quit drinking, but continued getting drunk.
After several weeks of hearing the recurring complaint from Jim, one of his accountability partners, whom I’ll call “Rob,” finally became frustrated by Jim’s empty promises and good-sounding intentions.

Confronting him, Rob asked, “Jim, do you really want to quit drinking?” Jim assured him that he did. After a brief pause, Rob proceeded to challenge his friend: “I don’t know that you do. Every week I hear the same old story, without any results. Let me ask you a question – do you have liquor in your home?”

Jim hesitated as he replied, “Yes.”

That is when Rob struck the hardest blow: “How do you think you can quit drinking if you won’t even get the temptation out of your home? You need to destroy every drop of alcohol in your house. Until you are willing to do that, I don’t believe you are serious.”

Sounds bold, doesn’t it – and not very “tolerant.” Would you have the courage to confront someone that directly, whether the issue was drinking, gambling, dishonesty, or some other counterproductive behavior? Rob did, and thankfully, his stern but caring rebuke had the desired effect. Jim went home that same evening, emptied the contents of every bottle of alcohol he had and even destroyed the bottles. That was the beginning of the end of Jim’s struggle with drinking. Today he celebrates years of sobriety – and a life free from the enslavement of alcohol.

In the Bible, Proverbs 28:23 teaches, “He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” Are you allowing poor behavior to go unchallenged in your workplace for the sake of tolerance? If so, consider the wisdom of this verse in Proverbs and Rob’s experience. A rebuke given in love and genuine concern for another person’s well-being will result in more favor than flattery, and it may save others from harm.
Copyright 2006, Integrity Resource Center, Inc. Adapted with permission from "Integrity Moments with Rick Boxx," a commentary on issues of integrity in the workplace from a Christian perspective. For more information about receiving Integrity Moments in their e-mail box, write to: rboxx@IntegrityMoments.com and type "subscribe" in the subject line or visit his website, www.IntegrityResource.org.
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Reflection/Discussion Questions
1. What do you think about the culture of “tolerance” that surrounds us today? What have been its benefits – and its drawbacks?
2. Would you have had the boldness, perhaps even courage, to confront a person like Jim? Why or why not?
3. Can you think of a time when you were the beneficiary of a stern, but caring rebuke, whether at work, at home, perhaps during your days in school, or while interacting with a friend? If so, how did it make you feel at the time – and what was the ultimate result of being confronted?
4. An adage states, “If you can’t say something good about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Do you agree with that? What are the problems with that kind of philosophy?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about the positive value of a well-intended rebuke, consider the following passages:
2 Samuel 12:1-14; Proverbs 17:10, 27:5; Matthew 16:21-23; Galatians 2:11-14; Revelation 3:19



用愛心責備的力量與影響

在今日的世界，盛行的「寬容文化」之益處已被其重大的錯誤所抵銷。人們普遍接受行為不合理的人與事，不願去挑戰那不合理的人。「我是誰？怎麼有資格去論斷？」這是一般人對行為錯誤之人的反應。其實這不是「論斷」的問題，而是你是否夠關心那人，願意幫助他那傷害自己與周遭人的行為。
在我們追求「寬容」的過程中，很少人願意為他人的行為負責，或甚至去責備一個任性的人。有人會說：「不論別人有多苦惱，我們不應管別人的事。」因此，當一位朋友告訴我他生命中的一個重大轉捩點時，就激起了我的興趣。
這位我姑且叫他「吉姆」的人，連續好幾個星期告訴他小組中許多人，說自己有酒癮的問題。酒不僅控制他的飲食，也似乎控制他整個人。他不是只在社交場合偶爾喝一點，酒已成為他的偶像－－控制他生命的力量。每個星期他都向他的「責任夥伴們」報怨，說自己要戒酒，但卻還是繼續醉酒。
在聽了吉姆幾週來不斷的抱怨，其中一位責任夥伴，我姑且叫他「勞勃」，終於對吉姆的空洞承諾和表面好聽的話感到失望。
勞勃就問他：「吉姆，你真的要戒酒嗎？」吉姆向他保證真的。停了一會，勞勃繼續挑戰他的朋友：「我不覺的得你真想戒酒。每個禮拜我都聽你說同樣的話，但都沒有成果。讓我問你一個問題－－你家有沒有酒？」
吉姆遲疑了一下說：「有。」
這時勞勃揮出最重的一擊：「若你不把這誘惑趕出你家，你怎麼戒酒？你要除去家中的每一滴酒。除非你願意這麼做，否則我不相信你真的想戒酒。」
這聽起來實在太大膽，而且不「寬容」。你是否有勇氣去直接挑戰別人，不論他的問題是酒癮、賭博、不誠實或其他不好的行為？勞勃有這勇氣，而且要感謝他嚴厲但關心的責備，才有好的效果。那天晚上吉姆回到家，就把家中的每瓶酒都倒掉，甚至將酒瓶都敲破。從此吉姆就不再與酒掙扎。今天他可以慶祝幾年來都清醒的日子－－不再受酒精奴役。
在聖經中箴言28章23節教導我們：「責備人的，後來蒙人喜悅，多於那用舌頭諂媚人的。」你是否因為寬容，就容許辦公室中不好的行為？若是如此，請思考箴言這節經文的智慧。用愛心且為了那人益處的責備，會比諂媚得到更多喜悅，而且可使別人免於傷害。

思想 / 討論題目
1. 你對今日盛行的「寬容文化」有何看法？ 它的好處與壞處各是什麼？

2. 你是否有膽識與勇氣去面對像吉姆的人？ 為什麼？

3. 你是否曾是嚴厲但出於關心之責備的受惠者，無論是在工作中、在家中、或在學校中、或與朋友互動中？ 若是，當時你感覺如何－－最後的結果又如何？

4. 有一句俗話說：「你若不能說出別人的好話，就什麼都不要說。」你是否同意這俗語？這種哲學會產生什麼問題？
註：若你有聖經且想要看有關善意責備之正面價值的其他經文，請看：
撒母耳記下12章1-14節；箴言17章10節，27章5節；馬太福音16章21-23節；加拉太書2章11-14節；啟世錄3章19節



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